Not kidding
by Jinxgirl
Summary: Buffy wants to give Faith a makeover. Entirely dialogue. Fuffy.


Author notes: Another story only using conversation. This one was harder, and I'm not sure how effective or good it is. My thoughts are not very. I guess this is AU third season.

"Hey B? Remind me again why we're doing this- or more accurately, why the hell I'm _letting_ you do this?"

"Because I want to see you all pretty, Faith… I want you to let me _make_ you all pretty. Is that so hard to get?"

"B, we all know I'm already wicked hot… I don't need you to do my hair up in ribbons and pigtails like some Little Bo Peep or something!"

"No ribbons, I promise… but you_ are_ gonna let me do your hair, Faith. No makeover is a real makeover unless you get your hair done too… you know though, don't knock pigtails until you try them. I think they'd be cute. Bring out your dimples…"

"I am _not_ letting you put my hair in fuckin' _pigtails_!"

"Okay, okay, chill, I was kidding… but they _would_ be cute…"

"Okay, that's it. I'm through."

"Faith, come on now, sit back down! I was _kidding_… come on, quit being a spoilsport. You promised you'd let me do this…"

"Only you could take someone's 'whatever' and turn it into a sworn Bible vow, B…"

"Ha, but you're sitting down now, aren't you? You know I'm right, Faith…"

"Maybe I just like you touching me, ever think of that, B?"

"…what? No you-"

"Ha, kidding…_now_ who's the one with no sense of humor? You can put your hands back on me, B, I'm not gonna lick 'em or nothin'… yet, anyway…"

"Ha ha, very funny, Faith… anyway, I think I'll do a French braid. I think you'd look good with a French-"

"What?! You've gotta be kidding me, B- you gonna put me in a maid outfit to go with it, one of those skimpy black lace ones? You know, keeping with the foreign theme and all-"

"Nice try, but I have other things in mind for you, _Faithy_… now will you hold still? You're moving your face too much."

"You know, I do know how to put on makeup, B…I've been doing it for like six years now. You could skip that part of the whole makeover crap thing anyway-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know you do, Faith, but you always use all that dark gooky stuff-"

"_Dark gooky stuff_?!"

"Yeah, the eyeliner and stuff- don't give me that look, I'm not saying it looks _bad_! It, it looks good- it looks great. I mean, I just, I want to see you looking a little less tough-girl-who-kicks-ass today… I want to see you looking a little, you know, softer…"

"_Softer_?! You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me, B! Give me the damn mirror- what the hell are you doing to me?!"

"Faith, sit still! Stop it!"

"No fuckin' way-"

"FAITH!"

(pause)

"Okay, okay…you don't have to pull out the resolve face, B, I'm _sitting_. Tyrant…"

"Thank you. Now be quiet so I can do your lips. Hmm, let's see… I like Pretty in Pink, I think maybe that one-"

"Pretty in pink?! What the hell, B! I told you, that was one of my fuckin' conditions, you can' put me in any pink shit!"

"You didn't say no pink lipstick, Faith… and stop moving, hold still!"

"God! What am I, your damn Barbie doll, B? You're the one who's blonde if you haven't noticed… gotta admit though, I'm the one with the Barbie tits-"

"FAITH!"

"Hey, you know it's true, B… no offense or nothin', yours are pretty nice too-"

"FAITH!"

"Are you _blushing_, B? Or is that some of that pink makeup shit you like so much?"

"I'm _not_ blushing!"

"Ohhhh…sure, B, I can totally see that…"

"Faith, hold still already, I'm trying-"

"OWWW! FUCK!"

"Oh god, sorry! I'm sorry- are you okay?"

"You jabbed me in the fuckin' _eye_, B!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! You were moving all around, and I was trying to do your mascara, and the brush-"

"Yeah, yeah, I got that, I kinda felt when it stuck itself an inch deep into my eye socket!"

"I'm sorry… are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, five by five…"

"God… guess maybe I should've used waterproof mascara, but I didn't really think it would be necessary… here, here's a tissue…"

"What do I need_ that_ for, B?"

"Uh… because you're crying…and so mascara's smearing all under your eye…"

"I'm _not _crying, B, my eye is _watering_, because you stuck a fuckin' mascara brush in it! That is _not_ crying!"

"Okay, okay, I know…sorry…here, let me get it for you, Faith."

"Can I trust your fingers near my eyes again, or will the 'slip'?"

"God, Faith, will you stop being such a baby and just let me finish here?"

(pause)

"Hey B… you were one of those kids who traumatized all your childhood pets by cutting their hair and dressing them in baby dolls clothes, weren't you?"

"Hey! How'd you know that, Faith? Has Mom been telling stories about me again?"

"Nah, she wouldn't' have to…let's just say I had a feeling…"

(fifteen minutes later)

"Faith, come on- will you come out of the bathroom already?"

"No fuckin' way! I can't believe you talked me into trying this on, B! No way are you gonna see me in this!"

"Come on, Faith, it can't be that bad…"

"It's PINK, B! I already told you, I am not gonna wear fucking PINK! The makeup and hair shit was bad enough, you are NOT gonna see me in this!"

"I think you'd look good in pink, Faith… come on, just let me see…"

"How much more clearly do I have to say 'no fuckin' way' B? I'm _not_ gonna come out twirling around in this thing so you can laugh your ass off at me!"

"I'm _not_ going to laugh, Faith! God, just come out of there already!"

"No!"

"Faith, if you don't get your ass out here right now, I'm going to break the door down. Don't think I won't. And that would bring my mom running up here, which would mean she would see you too. Which would mean she'd probably start gushing over how adorable you look…she'd probably even want to take pictures…"

"You fuckin' _wouldn't_, B!"

"I soooo _would_, _F_!"

"Fine! Fine, fuckin' fine, I hope you get a nice big laugh outta this, B!"

(silence for a few minutes. Finally)

"Faith…"

"I know, B, I know, I look completely stupid. Happy?"

"No…no, that's not what I was thinking at all, Faith. I was…I was thinking that you look…you look beautiful…"

(silence)

"…really? You…you serious, B?"

"Of course I am. You're…you're gorgeous, Faith…"

"Uh…thanks, B."

(pause)

"Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at me, will you? Come here."

"B, what are you doing…"

"I'm…I'm touching you. Touching your…face…"

"Yeah…I, I get that…but, but why…"

"Does it…does it matter, Faith?"

"I guess…guess not…just…"

(pause for a few minutes)

"B…what…what did you…"

"I don't know…"

"Did you…did we…what was…"

"I guess…I guess I just, we just…we just kissed…"

(pause)

"Is that…I mean…Faith…is that okay? Do you… I mean, you don't…"

"No…I mean… yeah….yeah, B, it's…"

(pause again as reader fills in his or her own blanks of activities taking place. Finally)

"Damn…if I'd known that dressing up and wearing pink would get _this_ kind of reaction from you, B…I'd have been hitting up Cordy for her fashion tips. Damn… maybe I will anyway…"

"Oh yeah? Is that a promise…"

"No…but…wait, did you really want me to, B?"

"No, Faith…I kinda like you the way you are…actually, I, I guess I always kind of have..."

(long pause)

"…really?"

"Yeah….really."

(long pause, then)

"God…you're not kidding, are you…you're, you're serious, B. You're fuckin' serious…god…"

"Of course I am…Faith? Faith, look at me…Faith. Come here."

(silence resumes)


End file.
